As my birthday approached, I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling growing inside me. Birthday depression crept in slowly at first but then brought with it flood of questions: “Have you done enough?” “Are you where you hoped you’d be?” “What are you even doing with your life?” Have you ever felt sad on your birthday? If so, know that you’re not alone. Birthday Blues are real and depression can cause you to experience intense, negative feelings leading up to, or on, your birthday.
These questions made me feel crushed and I started to overthink. But I didn’t have clear answers. No big plans. Just that familiar knot in my stomach whispering, “You should be further by now.” That’s the thing about birthday blues – they don’t always show up as sadness. Sometimes, they wear the face of shame, silence, or thoughts that won’t let you rest.
Read also, ‘How to Heal Yourself: ‘7 Keys To Self-Healing’ A Trauma Survivor’s Guide‘
Birthday blues and all…
That whisper followed me everywhere. My birthday blues followed me into the shower – where I stood in depression, lost in my thoughts, searching for answers I couldn’t seem to find.
And then the tears came. “What am I? What am I doing with my life?” I cried silently as the water fell over my face.
Suddenly, I heard a voice – gentle, familiar. It sounded like my mum. My beloved mum in heaven. “Mum… where are you? I need you so much,” I whispered through sobs.
The ache of birthday blues was real and the depression was causing emotional distress. “Do I even deserve a place to be here? I’m not a career woman, nor I’m a mother. I’m not any of the things I thought I’d be by this age…” I even lost the job I enjoyed after my traumatic accident.
And right in the middle of my grief – the birthday blues wrapped around me like a fog – the voice interrupted softly: “Of course! You deserve a place to be here. You have an important job to do.”
I shook my head. “An important job? I don’t have any important job,” I cried.
But the voice didn’t stop. “You do. You have healing to do.”
Birthday depression and feeling the blues
That moment was now a couple of years ago, after my accident, on the edge of another birthday which stirred up all the should ofs.
And yet, here I was again. Another birthday just around the corner. And the whisper was back.
Maybe you hear it, too. “I should have a house by now or I should have saved more. I should be in love or married. I should have healed or be doing something ‘important.’”
This is what birthday depression can look like – quiet, creeping, tied up in expectations we never asked for.
Read also ‘How to Change Your Negative Core Beliefs to Unlock Your Full Potential‘
A different kind of important
But now, years later, I’ve come to realise I do have a job. An important one. These past few years have been filled with the slow, often hidden, work of healing. To heal, stay, show up. To unlearn trauma responses. And learn how to breathe again – both literally and spiritually. To let God do the slow work in me that no one sees, but heaven celebrates.
Maybe that doesn’t sound impressive in the wider world. Maybe there’s no shiny title, large pay cheque, or baby photos to show. When I compare that to the highlight reels I see on other people’s birthday posts, it feels small. Invisible, even. But that doesn’t make it any less important. And maybe healing is a kind of success. Maybe breathing through pain instead of running from it is progress. Maybe the quiet decision to show up, to trust, to hope again – counts more than we know. Healing. Choosing peace. Taking one brave, quiet step at a time.
When dreams don’t look like you hoped
It’s painful to admit when your dreams die silently. We stop talking about them. Stop expecting them. And yet, on days like birthdays, they stir. By this age, I thought I’d be something more. More accomplished, more settled, more ‘together’. But instead… I’m still healing. Still figuring things out. Still wondering what’s next. And the enemy loves to whisper that lie: “You’re behind.”
When it happens, I have to think back to the sign on the wall of my physiotherapist: “You are where you are supposed to be.”
At first, I brushed it off like any other motivational quote. But something about it rooted itself deep in me. What if it’s not just a nice sentiment? What if it’s true? What if this place – right here, right now – isn’t failure… but formation?
Read also ‘Do I Matter Even if I Am Not A Mother?‘
Coping with birthday blues when depression hits
When birthday blues wrap themselves around your heart and the weight of depression settles in, take a deep breath and remember this – the One who writes your story hasn’t stopped turning the pages. It’s easy to measure your worth by milestones you haven’t reached, timelines you didn’t meet. But what if you paused – just for a moment – and looked at what you have done? The quiet bravery. The healing. The showing up when it was hard. You’ve come further than you think. You’re not behind – you’re becoming. And even now, grace is holding you right where you are.
And I’m learning that God’s timing is never late, but it’s also rarely early. He’s not rushed, nor is He checking your progress against someone else’s. He doesn’t hold you to the impossible standards you set for yourself. Rather, He just says, “Come with me. I’m not done with you yet.”
So even if your birthday comes with a little grief. Even if it brings more reflection than celebration. Even if you’re not where you thought you’d be… You’re not late or lost. You’re right on time.
Progress over perfection
No, my title hasn’t changed. I’m still healing. But you know what? I’ve found peace. And for that – I’m grateful.
That doesn’t mean that the whispers don’t come. They visited me a few days ago again – as usual, right before my birthday. But you know what, I’m not judging my feelings. I let them be, I let myself feel whatever I’m feeling. So no, it doesn’t mean that everything in my life is going to plan. It just means I’m choosing progress over perfection.
I’m learning to let go of what I can’t control and focus on what I can. And I’m learning to trust God’s timing. To love who I am right now. To stop waiting for ‘someday’ to start living. And that doesn’t mean I’m not dreaming or growing. It just means I’m finally giving myself grace along the way. Because my story isn’t over yet. And even in the quiet moments of birthday blues, there’s beauty to be found.
A birthday prayer
God, Thank You for being gentle with me on the days I’m hard on myself. Help me release the timelines I’ve clung to. Help me see that healing is a vital and sacred process. Remind me that I’m not behind – I’m held. I trust You with my story, even the parts that feel slow, quiet, or undone. Thank You for writing a story that is full of grace and unexpected hope. Thank you for making everything beautiful in its time. Amen.
To the one feeling behind today
If you’re feeling behind, I want to tell you: You’re not. You’re becoming. And even now, God is doing something beautiful in you. So, light the candle. Say the prayer. And walk into this next year knowing that you are where you’re supposed to be. And your story isn’t over yet.
P.S. Thank you so much for the kind birthday wishes. Although I wasn’t feeling my best on the day, my hubby surprised me with a romantic weekend away – and it truly lifted my spirits. I’m so grateful for him, and for all of you who continue to show me love and support. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you, and till the next blog post,
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This is something people don’t talk about but really should. Not everybody is happy on their birthday. It was actually just my hubby’s grandpa’s 86th birthday on Sunday and as we sang him happy birthday, he just looked down. No smile, nothing. It was like he was just waiting to die…I literally had to go into the bathroom and ugly cry. His sweetheart died some years ago and it’s been really hard for him ever since. Thanks for sharing this post ❤️
Thank you very much for talking about this. So comforting for me.