Mother’s Day can be bittersweet for so many of us. And living in England, where Mothering Sunday comes before Mother’s Day in my country and many others, makes it even harder. I lost my mum over a decade ago, and every year this day brings another wave of grief. Surely, celebrations should be about flowers, cards and laughter, but for many Mother’s Day can feel like a stark contrast to this. I miss my mum every day, so it feels like there’s no difference between Mother’s Day and any other day without her. So, how can we make this Mothers Day different? How can we honour a mother who is no longer with us on Mother’s Day?
I want to share with you, from the depths of my heart, how I’ve learned to honour my mum on Mother’s Day, even though she’s no longer here with me.
Read also “I Miss You,” a message to My Dear Mum in Heaven‘
10 Gentle ways to honour a mother who is no longer here on Mother’s Day
1. Let yourself feel it – Mother’s Day can bring a wide range of emotions – sadness, longing, even guilt, but also moments of gratitude and joy. You might feel all of them, or maybe you just feel numb. Whatever you feel, be honest with yourself. Allow yourself the grace to feel whatever comes up with compassion and without judgement. Grief doesn’t follow a timeline. It doesn’t have a manual and healing doesn’t come in neat, tidy packages. So, this Mother’s Day, be kind to yourself. Honour your mum by honouring your grief. Accept whatever you’re feeling – sadness, joy, confusion or nothing – it’s all part of the journey.
2. Put yourself first – self-care isn’t selfish, and on a day like Mother’s Day, it’s even more important. Whilst you want to devote Mother’s Day to honouring your mum, don’t forget to take time for yourself. I’ve learned that it’s vital to carve out space for ‘me time’ on a day when emotions are running high. Do what feels right for you today. Maybe it’s a quiet walk, a bubble bath, or just sitting in silence with your thoughts. No matter what, remember that whilst your mum can’t be with you here anymore, she is always with you in your thoughts, memories and in your heart. This love is yours forever, and no one can take that away from you.
3. Find a healthy outlet for your feelings – suppressed feelings always find their way out, and often at the most inconvenient times. Why not let them out in a healthier way? For me, it’s writing. There’s something deeply healing about putting our thoughts on paper. Maybe you’ve read the letter I wrote to my mum here on my blog. Perhaps you’ve written one of your own. If not, I encourage you to try. What would you say to her if you could? Imagine having a conversation with her as if she were still here. You could tell her about your life since she’s been gone or reminisce about the moments you shared. Or perhaps it’s simply an ‘I miss you’ message. It doesn’t matter how long the letter is – what matters is that it’s from your heart.
If writing isn’t your thing, that’s ok. Maybe you prefer other outlets, such as painting, drawing, talking, or even taking a walk while you reflect. Whatever you do, just don’t bottle it up. Cry if you need to, dance it out, pray it out, just do something to let it out.
4. Do something that she loved – there is something incredibly special about keeping the things they loved alive. My mum had a passion for gardening, and while I’m not as enthusiastic about it, I do love flowers. So, I would buy them. They make my day! And it’s my way of honouring my mum’s love for nature and beauty on Mother’s Day.
My mum was also an incredible cook and baker. While my hubby does most of the cooking, I like baking and have inherited several recipes from my mum. So, I would bake one of the cakes we used to make together (like in this video – let me know if you’d like the recipe for this scrumptious apple cake). And sometimes I even buy a slice of her favourite cake. It brings me comfort, and for a moment, I can almost feel like she’s right there with me, enjoying it alongside me. Is there something your mother loved – maybe a dish she made, a place she visited, or a hobby she cherished? Honour your mother on Mother’s Day by continuing the tradition. You don’t have to be perfect at it, even in a small way, you can keep her spirit alive in the everyday moments.
Read also ‘A Letter to My Dear Mum in Heaven‘
5. Create a tribute – small rituals that feel intimate and sacred offer a great solace. I find peace in visiting my mum’s grave, cleaning it, saying a prayer, and reflecting on the moments we shared. Other times, I’ll light a candle for her at church or at home, or simply sit in stillness for a few minutes, letting the memories of her flood my mind. It doesn’t need to be anything extravagant or grand. You can honour her by making her a Mother’s Day card or bringing her favourite flowers to her grave. Last Mother’s Day, I started my Grief Stories series in honour of my mum. It’s a safe space where grievers from all over the world can share their stories. It’s a tribute to my mum that also allows others to feel less alone in their grief.
6. Donate or Volunteer in her honour – if your mum had a cause she was passionate about, consider donating or volunteering in her name. Whether it was a local charity she supported, an animal rescue, or a cause that was close to her heart, this can be a beautiful way to honour your mum on Mother’s Day. It can be a meaningful way of continuing her legacy and helping others in the way she would have wanted.
7. Reach out to others who understand – while you may feel the urge to be alone on Mother’s Day, grief is often easier to bear when it’s shared. This may not always be easy, but there are also others who can relate and who understand. Consider joining my Grief Stories series, where grievers share experiences, ask questions, support one another and chat to people who truly ‘get it’. Remember that while you may feel lonely, you’re never alone. If you’re a person of faith, reach out to God – He’s with you in your grief, holding you when it feels like too much to bear.
8. Seek support – if you find yourself struggling more than usual this Mother’s Day, don’t hesitate to seek professional support. Grief can be overwhelming, especially on anniversaries or special days, and there’s no shame in reaching out for help. As a grief and loss coach, I’m always here to listen. You don’t have to walk this path alone. Feel free to email me, smiley@journeyofsmiley.com
9. Avoid triggers – social media, Mother’s Day ads, or seeing others with their mums, can sometimes feel like sharp reminders of our loss. If you know these things will trigger a flood of emotions, give yourself permission to step away. It’s ok to protect your peace. Sometimes we need to distance ourselves from the things that amplify the hurt. I learned that it’s best to avoid triggers on Mother’s Day as grief is hard enough without adding more pain.
10. Share stories of your mum – one of the most beautiful ways to honour your mum on Mother’s Day is by keeping her story alive. Whether it’s through photos, memories, or sharing stories with others, her legacy lives on in your words. I love to look at photos of my mum – each one tells a story, and every memory is a treasure. There may be tears, laughter, gratitude, sadness, but in every moment, I feel her presence. Write it, speak it, or hold it close in your heart – this act of remembrance is a powerful way to honour your mum. Share stories of your mum with those you love. You can share them also in my Grief Stories series. Friend, I hold space for your grief.
Read also ‘20 Inspirational Quotes for Dealing With Grief and Loss‘
Do whatever feels right to you
Mother’s Day doesn’t need to be a day of grand gestures and forced celebrations. You can honour your mum this Mother’s Day in whatever way feels right and true to you. If you need to curl up in bed and let the world pass by, that’s ok too. There’s no script to follow, no expectation to meet.
The most important thing is to be gentle with yourself. Sometimes, all we can do is put one foot in front of the other to survive another day without our beloved mum. In doing so, we continue to carry them in our hearts every single day.
Give yourself love, kindness, and compassion this Mother’s Day and always.
Thank you, and till the next blog post,
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My mom has been gone for six years and find every Mother’s Day hard to cope with. I’ve found that having some of my own rituals do help … and focus on new ways to celebrate too. This post really meant a lot to me. Thank you! Pinning it to reread later!
This really touched me. I can deeply relate—it’s been a couple of decades since I lost my mom, and like you, I still miss her every single day. Mother’s Day always carries a mix of emotions, and reading your words reminded me that I’m not alone in that. The way you shared your experience was so honest and comforting. I agree—while the world focuses on flowers and brunches, for many of us, it’s a quieter kind of remembrance. Thank you for this timely and beautifully written piece. It’s a gentle reminder that grief and love can walk hand in hand. ❤️