Life doesn’t always go in the direction we want or imagined that it would. But who said that we can’t discover the purpose and meaning of life whilst pursuing plan B? When a friend of mine told me that after several unsuccessful attempts to conceive a baby they were giving up, I could hear the sadness in her voice. She had feelings of failure, shame, blame…and I wanted her to know I was there for her. But also let her know that no matter what direction her life goes in, she can still have a meaningful life. Living a meaningful life doesn’t depend on our motherhood status.
After writing a previous post, ‘Do I Matter Even if I am Not a Mother,’ I received many heartening comments. They were a great encouragement. But also showed me that there is a need for people to speak on the subject of women without children. Not just so that we, women without children, feel less alone. But also for all the other women. So that women without children, for whatever reason, know that they are not alone and that they and their lives matter.
Read also ‘Do I Matter Even if I Am Not a Mother?‘
Your status doesn’t define you
In a society that honours women according to their motherhood status, it often isn’t easy to be a woman without children. However, just because others don’t understand what you are going through, or agree with what you have chosen in life, doesn’t mean your path isn’t right for you or that it can’t be meaningful. We have to understand that others aren’t in our shoes. They don’t walk in our shoes… They didn’t have to experience and go through what you may have to have gone through.
And so, with Mother’s Day approaching again, I want to remind you once more that whatever your status, it doesn’t define you. This was also what prompted me to submit an article to the Tutum Journal several months ago. And I was honoured and delighted when Jobi Tyson, the founder of the Tutum Journal, got back to me just before the end of last year, saying they were happy to include my article in their winter ‘Joy’ issue.
Tutum Journal is a quarterly magazine for, and by, childless women. On its pages, you can find encouraging stories providing hope and solidarity for every woman, no matter their position. So if you are a childless/childfree woman the Tutum Journal may well be for you.
Given their mission, I also wanted to provide words that could comfort those who will read them. After all, the right words can breathe life into our being. They can give us what we need at any particular moment.
Read also ‘Acceptance and Finding Purpose After a Traumatic Accident – Crash Support Network Guest Post‘
Living a meaningful life without children
And so I shared my story of friendship, of two women without children, of me and my friend. This wasn’t something that either of us imagined twenty years ago when we first met. But it’s something that still connects us and that we both have had to learn to live with. And we haven’t just learnt to live with it; we decided to rewrite our story. Because who says that you can’t have a joy-filled, happy, and meaningful life without children? Living the life of a mother doesn’t guarantee you a meaningful life. Just as your life without children doesn’t have to be meaningless. Because living a meaningful life doesn’t depend on your status.
So, I want to invite you to open the pages of the Tutum Journal to find the words that will provide you with the comfort you need. Because although these words may not be able to change the situation you are in right now, they can act as a reminder that you can have a valid, meaningful, and enjoyable life without children.
Read also ‘A Letter to My Dear Mum in Heaven‘
Happy Mother’s Day to all the extraordinary, selfless, fearless, caring, funny, smart, strong and amazing women out there!
Thank you and till the next blog post,
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Thank you for sharing this thoughtful post about living a purposeful life without children. As someone who has chosen not to have children, I found your words inspiring and empowering. The idea that our status doesn’t define us is so important, and it’s something that everyone can benefit from remembering. Your perspective is refreshing and I look forward to reading more of your writing in the future.
What a sensitive and thoughtful post. Life is a journey and the path isn’t a straight line- thank you for sharing!
Thanks for sharing a different perspective. People always assume that when we become an adult that we are automatically supposed to become mothers.
Thanks so much for this helpful post and for sharing that valuable resource, the Tutum journal.
What a thoughtful and insightful post! As someone who is child free by choice it is refreshing to read such empowering words. Thank you for sharing!
Not having children myself, this is something I have grappled with. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for sharing this heartfelt post. This is a delicate topic and I appreciate your words. I sincerely agree you can definitely live a full meaningful life with or without children. Each life has a specific path and should be respected. ????
Pastor Natalie (ExamineThisMoment)
Letstakeamoment.com
Great post! It’s so important to remember that some people choose to be parents – and that’s great – but some people want to live a meaningful life without children – and that’s great too! Thank you for sharing these useful ideas 🙂
What a very thoughtful post. I really enjoyed it. I’m a stepmom who never had my own children. So I’ve always felt like I belong somewhere in the middle.
A thoughtful post. Society needs to stop judging women based on their choice or circumstance.
Thanks so much for another fantastic article. I’m child-free by choice and feel like it’s the best decision I have made for myself as well as for me and my husband. Having freedom, privacy, solitude and the ability to spend our money on what we want has been incredibly liberating.
1. Highlighting the fact that having children does not determine ones purpose in life. and that one can still lead fulfilling lives even when plan a does not work out as expected.
2. Emphasizing the value of sharing the experiences of women without children in order to inspire hope, foster solidarity, and foster understanding.
3. Recognizing the difficulties experienced by women without children in a culture that frequently glorifies motherhood while stressing that each person’s journey has its own significance.
4. Rewriting the narrative to discover joy and meaning without children by sharing a personal tale of friendship.
5. Reading the Tetum journal can help readers find solace and reminder that living a full life without kids is possible.