My Story of Being a Caregiver and Trauma Survivor

My Story of Being a Caregiver and Trauma Survivor

by Amber Jeann Parker

| PTSD: My Story Project #015

_{^{Trigger warning}}

To be a trauma survivor isn’t something you choose. It is what happens to you and then you have a choice – What will you do next? How will you respond? What will you do with the hypervigilance, the pain, the questions, and the overwhelm that you have? For me, I have been on both sides. I have experienced trauma myself and navigated my trauma responses. And I also have been the caregiver for my husband through his trauma responses. I am a trauma caregiver and trauma survivor.

Read also ‘Bruised but Not Broken by Katelyn Friesen‘

My caregiver and trauma survivor story

My husband’s trauma was combat trauma. He was deployed, and there was an IED explosion that took the life of his buddy. It should have taken my husband’s life too, but in the last moment before the vehicle left, my husband was needed elsewhere. There are more details to the story, but I want to focus on what occurred later. Fast forward to when my husband came home from war. The event and aftermath of it affected him deeply, but he didn’t know to label it as trauma. He experienced symptoms of PTSD but compartmentalized it and pushed it down. He changed professional trajectories as a result of what had occurred. And he tried to live his life with a newfound purpose as his buddy now couldn’t.

Fast forward many years later, and what had been pushed down deep began to resurface in nightmares. Terrible nightmares. He didn’t want to go to sleep. He didn’t want it to affect his family. And so, he tried to take care of it on his own by self-medicating with sleep medication and also with alcohol. Depression entered, and soon also, suicidal ideation. It all affected our family. And we entered a fight for his very life as his symptoms continued worsening.

My trauma experience

My trauma was different; it was a story of being a caregiver and trauma survivor. It began as secondary trauma from the caregiving for my husband’s trauma, PTSD, depression, and suicidality. There were many mini traumas through the intense caregiving and then two traumatic single events in caregiving for him that were actual traumas, not just stressful events. One was saving his life during a suicide attempt.

Closely following that, I went through a traumatic event saving the life of my child with a medical emergency and newfound life-threatening diagnosis.

Almost two years later, I navigated a traumatic event saving the life of my other child with a different medical emergency. No one should have to walk through multiple traumas in their lifetime.

Read also ‘My Story of How to Turn Fear Into Gratitude by Sarah Ruesch‘

Complex PTSD Survivor

The term that is widely used for this is complex trauma or complex PTSD, cPTSD. And so, I have complex PTSD, multiple different traumas with PTSD responses corresponding to those separate traumas. Having multiple traumas with their own triggers and trauma responses can cause an increase in the intensity of a trauma response. It can cause a potentiating of the level of a response.

For me, PTSD wasn’t a label I gave myself right away. It took a while to acknowledge and identify myself as having PTSD. I saw the medical emergencies that I had walked through with my husband and then one child and then a second child – I saw them as emergencies. It took time to recognize my specific trauma responses and PTSD triggers. The hypervigilance. The ‘reliving’ of the trauma in the present. I didn’t have time to slow down as I was in the throes of active caregiving – the continual advocating and watchful caregiving was necessary to keep each alive with their life-threatening diagnoses. The weight of caregiving for life-threatening issues took its toll on me, however, and I had to listen to my body and give it rest when my energy was depleted. It was essential.

The fight of a caregiver and trauma survivor

Trauma is a heavy burden we don’t choose. It’s one the Lord allowed into my life, not out of cruelty, but because He knew what I would do on the other side. I wouldn’t stay silent, I wouldn’t be broken. I would fight – the fight of a caregiver and trauma survivor. God knew I would fight for the truth. And I would fight for joy. I would fight for wellness and well-being, not just for myself, but for my husband, for my family – for others walking through the hell of it themselves and needing help and hope.

I would fight for life. Not just a life of survival, but a life of resilience. For me, my resilience has only been found within the strength and hope drawn from my relationship with God. God has been my source of strength, the lifter up of my head, and my redeemer. God has been the redeemer of my pain.

To redeem the pain for His glory and to beckon other trauma survivors out of the shadows and into the light. God is mighty, and He ultimately is the One who saved and carried me, who held me up when I was spent. He used me to keep my husband and two of my children alive and well with their life-threatening diagnoses. God gave me the strength to make it through each day when life was really hard.

Read also ‘There Is Nothing Wrong With You by Karen Sargent‘

Finding purpose through trauma

I chose to take part in the PTSD: Story Project because I write about PTSD and trauma on my website. I also write on faith, psychology, and life storms. To write on PTSD and trauma without talking about the hope of God is to miss the most integral piece to my own healing, and I believe yours as well. Not only do I remember what it was like to be overwhelmed by my own trauma response, but I also remember feeling helpless and anxious while caregiving for my husband’s trauma and PTSD which then morphed into depression and suicide attempts. I remember the chaos and struggle present throughout those times. I, therefore, am compelled to reach out to the ones struggling in the dark right now, stuck in their trauma responses, and offer hope.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18, NIV). I don’t know what you are walking through or facing in your life right now, but God does. He cares about you and loves you. He is near those who are brokenhearted and struggling; He comes alongside. Jesus walked through deep suffering of His own and understands your pain, friend. He understands my pain, too. Jesus gets it. Tell Him about your struggles.

For those feeling overwhelmed, chaotic, scared, and wondering if they’ll ever ‘get their life back’ – I can tell you, friend, that you will never rewind the tape of your life back to before your trauma, to the before, to be able to erase it. But on this side, you have the ability to heal, find a new way forward, and find strength and purpose again.

You do have the ability to live life with purpose and joy. The trauma and trauma responses you’ve experienced don’t have to steal your joy, and life completely.

Read also ‘You Are Never Alone by Jannette Fuller‘

Taking the steps towards healing

When a person has gone through trauma and has finally come to the place of accepting the label and identifier of trauma and PTSD, then, they are at a place of being able to take the next brave step toward healing. They can choose to seek out mental health therapy to work through their trauma and trauma responses.

For me and my husband, EMDR therapy was the golden ticket to decreasing the intensity of the PTSD and trauma response and beginning to experience healing in our own separate journeys toward health. If you aren’t familiar with it, EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) accesses the amygdala, the emotional processing center, and other parts of the limbic system. EMDR helps to reintegrate the trauma memories stored there, which in turn dials down the intensity of the trauma responses.

The amygdala and other parts of the limbic system are not only involved with storing trauma memory but also storing all emotionally tied memories a person has, good and bad. The emotional memories cannot be accessed by everyday, cognitive thinking. By accessing the amygdala and limbic system through EMDR therapy, the body is able to connect and begin to re-integrate any emotional memory needing processing. This is incredibly helpful and brings hope to the ones struggling with their trauma responses coming out of nowhere. There is hope and a way to dial down the intensity of one’s trauma responses.

I am grateful for the therapy I have received for my trauma. It gave me an increased capacity to face the demands of my life. I am thankful for how EMDR therapy also afforded my husband increased resilience.

Friend, know that there is hope for your trauma responses. Be brave and find a therapist. The resource I created can help you find a mental health professional. To begin therapy/counseling with a professional therapist or psychologist is one of the most important actions you can take toward your own healing and personal growth. Be proud of yourself and celebrate it. It’s a vital moment in your life.

Amber Jeann Parker

Amber Jeann Parker is a writer, speaker, Physician Assistant, trauma caregiver, and trauma survivor. She writes on her website Choose Joy In The Midst on trauma, PTSD, and life storms and utilizes faith, psychology, and neuroscience in approaches toward trauma healing. Authenticity and compassion are important tenants for her as she works to empower others to fight their battles from a place of strength – through knowledge, therapy, and God’s strength. She is currently writing her first book to be published in late 2024 for the primary caregivers of trauma and suicidality to help them navigate the chaos and turmoil of mental health crises.

Read more real-life stories from trauma survivors here: ‘PTSD: My Story Project‘.

PTSD: My Story Project

Do you have experience with PTSD, or do you take care of / live with someone who has? Would you like to share your story in a guest blog post? 

Aim

I’m not an expert or a health professional, so the aim of this project isn’t to offer professional advice. Neither is it to pity those who experience PTSD. That’s not what I want. My aim is to raise awareness of PTSD. By sharing your story, you can inspire and empower others. You can highlight the methods that helped you. This way, you can encourage others to reach out for help.

And it may help you as well. Perhaps it’s something you feel like you’re not able to talk about within your closest circle and would like to connect with others in a similar situation. It’s nothing more than bearing an untold story inside you. The fact is that our society still lacks an understanding of mental health.  Therefore, I’ve decided to share my story and invite others to join me in this project and write a blog post about their experience. By working together, we can help destigmatise mental health problems and promote well-being.

To be featured

If you would like to join in and share your story on my blog but don’t have the experience of writing a blog post, this isn’t a problem. You can still contact me, and I’d be happy to assist you with the writing. And you can use a pseudonym if you wish to stay anonymous. You can share as much of your story as you want in a way you feel comfortable with.

The only thing I ask is that you mention ‘PTSD: My story project’ in your post and briefly state why you have chosen to take part in it.  You will be allowed to approve the post before publishing it, should it be edited.

Follow Journeyofsmiley on WordPress.com