I don’t believe that our grief diminishes, rather it’s us who grow around it. It may seem that time passes very slowly after the loss of a loved one. I remember my dad, as I call my father-in-law, saying a week after we lost mum, that whilst it was only a week, it seems like a lifetime. You may agree with William Shakespeare here that, “grief makes one hour ten.” Grief is a process, a deeply personal journey, and it often doesn’t look the same for everyone. In this post, I’ll break down not only the fundamentals of grief but also bereavement and mourning. But how do they relate or differ from each other, and how to navigate them?
The difference between grief, bereavement, and mourning
Whilst the terms grief, bereavement, and mourning are often used interchangeably, there are differences between them. We most often hear all of them during times of loss. Yet, there are some key differences between grief, bereavement, and mourning and understanding them can provide clarity during such a challenging time. Let’s explore each concept and their meanings.
Read also ‘Navigating Grief: What It Is and How It Shapes Our Emotions‘
What is grief?
Grief is the emotional response to loss, and it is the process that follows bereavement. It is the internal experience we have when we face a significant loss, whether that’s a death, the end of a relationship, or any other form of unwanted change. It can take many forms, ranging from sadness and anger to numbness and guilt. Whilst each of us grieves differently, we also grieve differently with each loss.
Grief isn’t an illness, a disease, a disorder, or even a sickness; rather, it is a uniquely individual and completely natural process. It isn’t something that needs to be fixed, minimised, ignored or pushed away. It doesn’t work itself out, and avoiding it doesn’t work either. We can’t escape it.
Grief is an uninvited guest who doesn’t announce its arrival. It comes in waves. And once it is a part of our lives, it becomes a constant companion who can take over our lives and change us forever. You can read more on grief and its complexity in my previous post.
Read also ‘Coping With Grief: 10 Hard but Valuable Lessons of Loss‘
What is bereavement and mourning?
The meaning of bereavement is actually ‘being robbed of something we value’. The definition used by the American Association of Christian Counselors in the Grief and Loss Coaching Training I undertook was that bereavement is “an objective state or condition of deprivation which is followed or accompanied by the process of grief.” It refers to the period of mourning after the death of a loved one and hence grievers are referred to as bereaved. In the early stages of loss, the bereaved may experience confusion, shock, disbelief, or numbness. We will explore the different types of grief in my future posts.
Mourning is an outward experience and expression of grief after the loss or bereavement which may or may not reflect our inside feeling. We all mourn differently and mourning and grief are closely related. Actually, we can be bereaved and not mourn, depending on the relationship with the deceased. Not all people know how to mourn, and so there are even professional mourners, called moirologists, whose role is to encourage people to express their grief at funerals and wakes. Some cultures give space and time to people to mourn, whilst in others collective mourning is practised. Consequently, the way we mourn, whether through tears, rituals or traditions, is affected by factors like culture, religious practices and beliefs. What practices do you have and follow?
In my country, we wear black to a funeral, and many people, mainly the older generations, do so for the entire year. Some people are moving from a traditional funeral to a celebration of life. And sometimes these can even be organised whilst the person is still alive. It’s okay not to be okay after someone close has passed, but it is also okay to celebrate the person and their life. Sadness and celebration of life can co-exist, just like grief and gratitude can. There really isn’t a right or wrong way of mourning. The most important thing is that it is meaningful to you. Mourning helps us honour our loss and begin to process our grief.
Read also ‘When Will My Life Go Back to Normal Again, and Does Grief Ever Go Away?‘
You don’t have to walk the path alone
Grief doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t know borders, nor does it have a time limit. Understanding that grief is a deeply personal journey is key to navigating it with self-compassion. So, allow yourself to grieve. Give yourself some love and kindness and take as much time as needed. Be your own best friend.
Grief can be a long journey, but it’s not one you have to walk alone. I became a Grief and Loss Coach, so I could both help myself to move forward and support you on your grief journey. If you’re going through a hard time, I’m here for you. Feel free to email me, smiley@journeyofsmiley.com
Join my Grief Stories community, a safe space to share our hard stories, get things off our chest, support one another, ask questions, and chat to people who truly ‘get it’.
Friend, what is your definition of grief? Pause for a moment and think about it. Then share your answer in the comment below.
Thank you and till the next blog post,
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Thank you for breaking it down. I always thought grieving and mourning was the same but I now know the difference. I grieved for a loved one I lost but didn’t mourn.
Thanks for clearly stating the difference between grief, bereavement and mourning. Super important to understand in my opinion.
Hari, thank you. Yes, understanding the differences is helpful in coping during the hard times…