Last week I celebrated 15 years together with my husband. The last few months put a lot of strain on our relationship, as I have been recovering from my accident. However, it also proved that relationships can survive even tough times. There is a way how to overcome adversity. So if you want to know how to save a relationship, then don’t stop reading just yet. Continue and read about what other happy couples said really matter when it comes to a long-lasting relationship.
Read also ‘Do I Matter Even if I Am Not a Mother?‘
Is it possible to save a relationship?
A relationship isn’t always just a walk in the park. Life is a rollercoaster, and relationships can be complicated and stressful. But then, if you really want to be together, if you believe that this is the right person for you, there is always a way to work through things. There is always a path to saving a relationship. But first, you need to know that you both want to be together, that you can imagine your future together.
That is why my previous relationship didn’t survive. I couldn’t see my future with someone I didn’t love. Ultimately there was no love. Yes, perhaps there was at the beginning of our relationship as I fell for him. I was young, and for the first time in my life, I met a person who was actually interested in me. He would protect me from others…but him. What seemed like protection from others initially turned into overprotection and jealousy later on. And this was the turning point when I knew I don’t want to be in this relationship. I didn’t feel safe.
As Suzann Pileggi Pawelsky, co-author of ‘Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love that Lasts‘ states that you should not ignore any physical or psychological threats in your relationship. Given this, there was only one way for me and it was to end it up.
What is love?
So if your relationship isn’t healthy, then you probably would make the same decision I made. But like everyone, I also wanted to experience love, real love. The feeling that I found in my relationship with my husband. In Urban Dictionary love is defined as prioritising someone’s else interest and well-being. That is certainly proved in God’s love as He so loved us that He gave us His only Son, who died for us so we could live. Celebrating Easter just a few weeks ago, we also celebrated love. Love that triumphed over death. Love can triumph over hardship. With love, you can overcome adversity in life.
Love, however, isn’t the only essential thing for a healthy relationship. Whilst speaking to other happy couples, I found out that there were few other things their relationships had in common. So what are the other things that help you to save your relationship?
How to save a relationship?
1. Respect – this doesn’t mean that you have to agree on everything. Actually, we are quite the opposites in so many things when it comes to my hubby. The important thing here is that despite all the differences, we accept each other for who they are. It’s not always easy. I find myself moaning at my hubby for leaving his clothes on the floor in the bedroom for a few days. However, seeing how busy he is with work and at home, surely this should be the last thing that should bother me. So I learn to appreciate what he does and respect him for it. And if there are things that bother us, then the next point is what we need to do.
2. Communication – this is key to a long-lasting relationship. How many relationships could have been saved, if couples knew how to communicate together? Men and women are different, so think differently. Communication is therefore a skill we need to learn, speaking and listening. If the communication goes in an honest, open way, instead of lashing out and blaming each other, it would actually solve the problems and bring us closer together. So we need to learn to talk otherwise differences will just drive us further apart.
3. Gratitude – it goes together with respect and appreciation. No one is perfect. However, instead of the imperfection of our partner and all the negative things, let’s don’t forget to see and appreciate all the little things they do. And perhaps when we start to see those, our perceptions will change, and with this also our priorities. It will help us not take each other for granted and bring a bit of sparkle back into our relationships. Make time for each other, have dinner together, put your phone down and be fully present for each other. Do something daily that will bring you together. But don’t forget to give each other space as well. That is just as important as your time together and will help you to fully appreciate the time that you do spend together.
4. Support – in 15 years we went through so many things together. Lots of sad, traumatic events but also joy and many, many happy moments together. We are here for each other in good and bad times. My hubby saw me at my lowest and still offered me his helping hand, his shoulder to cry on, his hug when I needed it most. He makes me laugh when I’m sad and reminds me of my progress when I get impatient with myself. Despite all the differences between us, we stand united when it comes to our relationship. You need to know and feel that your partner supports you. Not only because it’s easier to carry a burden when it’s shared, but also because you know that it’s both of you who want to make the relationship work.
Two Become One
It always needs to be both of you wanting and working towards the same goal. It just won’t work if you don’t both want the same. If you can both become one. That is the only way how to save a relationship. You need to enjoy being with your partner to make it long-lasting. Then you know whatever the future brings, you will face it together.
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