The answer to most of your Valentine’s day dilemmas

 

The answer to most of your 

Valentine’s day dilemmas


When it comes to Valentine’s Day many of us make the effort to celebrate this special day, some more than others. This Valentine’s Day will be very different. For us it will be down to more than just the current lockdown as I’m also still recovering from my accident. I admit, given the current situation I totally forgot about Valentine’s Day. It was only for my friend who reminded me two weeks before the special day that I actually was able to get a last-minute gift for my hubby (now just hope it arrives on time).



I know, I know… There are always people who would say “What’s the fuss. It’s like every other day”. Others would say “We should appreciate our partners all the time, not only on Valentine’s Day” and believe me I do. We come up with little surprises for each other during the year, not only on Valentine’s Day. However, it is still a nice occasion to have this special day. It just feels a bit differently. 

 

 Sparkly Valentine’s Day?

According to Bankrate’s 2019 Valentine’s Day survey men plan to spend on average 5 x more on their partners on Valentine’s day than women. Reading this I had to laugh thinking about my last-minute Valentine’s Day shopping. Now this is funny, as reading further the research suggested that the biggest expenditure is supposed to be on white gold diamond earrings. I’m not sure this is something I really wish for but then it’s all about the surprises. And I love surprises! Diamond earrings however don’t seem to be the only sparkly gift that men plan to surprise their partners with.

According to a survey in 2018 by Diamond Heaven (a jewellery retailer) 21% out of 2000 respondents actually proposed on Valentine’s day. Furthermore 10% of women admitted that they would like to be proposed to on Valentine’s Day. Whilst 5% of men have chosen that day as the best time to propose. It isn’t much different in the States either and roughly 10% choose this special day as the perfect day for popping the question. Who would have thought that – get engaged on the day of love! 

 

Valentine’s Day not as you planned? Don’t despair, there may be something better for you!  

If you are the one who thinks that popping the question on Valentine’s Day is out of the question and you aren’t concerned about all the fuss on Valentine’s Day that’s totally OK. I would agree with you that the day has now become over commercialised. I personally prefer to celebrate this day in a more intimate way. However, after all it is all about romance.

For some couples getting engaged on Valentine’s Day with all its romantic atmosphere seems the perfect option. Yet, if you are someone who is secretly hoping that her partner pops the question on Valentine’s day but instead comes out of it with empty hands (or finger), don’t beat yourself up. Remember that 10% of women are wishing to be asked the question, whilst only 5% of men are planning to do so. Yet don’t despair, all is not lost! 


Don’t despair, all is not lost!

Last month my hubby and I celebrated 10 years since our engagement. Whilst this may seem like a long time, we have been together for 15 years now. Yes, it took him 5 years to propose. You would surely ask why? I’ll just say – he likes to take things slowly:) Our engagement location was like out of this world – so romantic! The most magical place we have ever been to (and we have travelled a lot). He took me to the lake Bled in Slovenia for a long weekend away 10 years ago.

Arriving in Slovenia, at this lovely hotel, and my (then still) boyfriend telling me that he had already arranged our dinner made me suspicious. I know the level of his organisation skills when it comes to his private life… Given this my instinct was telling me that this won’t be just a regular weekend away. Don’t take me wrong, all weekends together are precious, but I just had this feeling that this will be one to remember for ever! At the dinner in the restaurant I felt like I was sitting on needles. I was waiting any minute for him to pull out of his pocket the shiny diamond.

You know what I mean, just like a romantic scene from a movie. The one you go “Aw, that’s so romantic” with the tissue box on your side and hope one day you will be sitting there, and he will be your prince charming. However, if you think that we returned from the restaurant with an ice rock on my finger, you are wrong. I just couldn’t believe it and wasn’t hiding my disappointment.

 


Men think differently to women

Therefore, I was even more surprised the next day when I found my ring in a cone – yes you read it right, in a cone! I’ll explain later so just keep reading😊

We are often disappointed when things don’t go the way we plan. However, in relationships we must remember that men think differently to us, women. And so, it was also with my boyfriend. Even though he organised that lovely dinner, he knew exactly what was going on in my head. That’s interesting though as women often complain that men don’t listen to them. It comes then as a surprise that he knows so often what I think or want – he can read me so well. I think many times am I so easy to read? Or is it perhaps because we, women, express our feelings with much bigger enthusiasm than men? Or is my hubby actually listening to me? Whatever it is, he really knows me very well.


Do you love or hate surprises?

He knows that I like surprises and whilst proposing during our dinner would be romantic, it was something I was clearly expecting. So instead when I bought the hot chestnuts in a cone the next afternoon on our walk around the lake he somehow managed to place the ring inside the cone… I didn’t have the smallest idea until I noticed something shiny on the bottom of the cone! And this was that moment when I fell in love with him again and again… Those little surprises, those little details that can turn a usual day to the most unforgettable moment in our life. 

This made me think that perhaps men have romantic souls, but we don’t give them a chance to prove it. It wouldn’t be a surprise if he would do it my way. Yes, it may be what I wanted. That romantic scene from the movie I always dreamt to be part of, but it won’t be as perfect as if something happens spontaneously, because of love. So if your Valentines’ Day doesn’t go exactly as you imagined, don’t be annoyed. He may pull out of his pocket something even better to surprise you when the time is right for both of you…


Men are from Mars,
Women are from Venus

We must remember that men think differently to us women. It’s not because they don’t feel the same as we do. They do love us, they want to make us happy. It’s just that they do it in their own manner. As John Gray in his book ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ explains, whilst both partners give love, it isn’t always necessarily in their partner’s desired way. He also adds that one of the primary needs that men require is encouragement (perhaps that’s why it took my man 5 years to propose). Whilst women need validation and reassurance.

So whilst you may have very different ideas about Valentine’s day than your partner – and let’s be honest, it’s usually us women who would like to spend this day in a style a la romance, your partner may want to have something totally different in his mind. And whilst in my case our romantic weekend away ended up with the ring on my finger, not all surprises are always welcome. Just think about all the unwanted Christmas gifts not so long ago, that you still struggle to return as the country is in lockdown. Or that fishing trip that you wished he never took you on… And whilst men plan to spend more on their partner to stay out of the doghouse, it may be often quite hard to decide on the perfect kind of gift. 

This may be even harder for new couples. It may put the squeeze on many relationships. Would you feel embarrassed if your gift won’t match your partner’s gift? Or do you expect him to invest more in your gift than you do in his? Reading further the research by Bankrate men not only plan to splash lots on their partner, they also expect this from their partners too. Surely then, you don’t want to splash lots of money on something he will never use or even like. So in order to avoid disappointment for both parties it is important to communicate.

 

Looking for the answer to the most Valentine’s Day dilemmas? Don’t look further – communicate! 

I’m a woman and I often don’t know myself what I actually want. Do you feel the same? If so then how can we expect from our men to know it, if we don’t know it ourselves? Therefore communicate! It is the best way to find out about each other’s preferences. This way you don’t have to end up playing this game of pretending that you really like the gift your partner gave you.

Men often need clear clues in order to understand women and fulfil their desires. Communication is therefore the key to the Valentine’s Day dilemma. Communication often seems more important for women than men. However, John Gray also reveals in his book that communication is an essential means of how a man can attain a women’s love. So whether you see your ideal Valentine’s Day as a romantic night in or as the perfect day for proposing and going to bed as a newly engaged couple, the best way to ensure that you are on the same page is through having open and honest communication within your relationship.


Happy Valentine’s Day and enjoy the time together – surely that’s what it is all about:) 


Thank you and till the next blog post,

Your Smiley


* Are you thinking of proposing on Valentine’s Day or what is your idea of a perfect Valentine’s Day? Share in the comment below how you plan to spend / did you spend your Valentine’s Day – it may inspire others too! 

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